Dealing effectively with the bad Person, Stressful person- Alcoholics, Bullies, Abusers, Control freaks

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Now can a Person change themselves?  Is there hope for anyone?
 
Some people say that recognition of the problems, obstacles is basically 90 percent of the solution, and I really do also wish that next was true.. for example
 
 Drug users, alcoholics, cheaters, abusers, adulterers, Bullies, thugs, Control freaks do   affect negatively continually too the lives of at least six others at least..
 
How to deal with them effectively! Even if they refuse the help..
 
Establish Boundaries, Set Limits, Set detachment.  One example of setting a boundary is telling a close friend, a loved one  that you prefer they not be around you if they are smoking,  drunk or high. Notice that it is specific demand, and you have to sit down and communicate this type of request explicitly with that someone. Setting a boundary like this is difficult because there is this tendency to hurt other’s feelings. But that is part of what is keeping you ineffective– your caring more about this person’s feelings than your own personal well being. Setting boundaries is about putting your own personal well being and even that of others first, and letting that be a guiding example of how to live. You know you are setting effective boundaries when you are taking back control of your own life firstly and starting to regain your own sanity–instead of being all wrapped up in the problems of a struggling smoker, rebel, drug addict or alcoholic.

“Here are some things that you can do in order to practice detachment with the struggling pervert in your life:
-Don’t do things that they should be doing themselves.
-Don’t bend over backwards to rescue them or save them from natural consequences.
-Don’t cover up for their mistakes or embarrassing situations.
-Don’t rescue them from crisis or financial situations.
-Don’t try to fix them.
-Let go of any guilt you may have about them.
  
Detachment is not about denying your emotions. If someone close to you dies, for example, you will probably feel sad. You can’t choose this feeling. It simply is. But we do have the power to affect the intensity of this feeling, by focusing on the positive aspects of the situation. We can also change our thinking in an attempt to eradicate irrational beliefs that might be contributing to our emotional turmoil.

The goal is not to go without emotions, the goal is to achieve some level of emotional stability. We are detaching from the negative, irrational thoughts that stir up our emotions–like the guilt we might have if we think someone’s perversity, addiction is our fault.
Detachment is difficult and takes practice.”
 
 How to help a teenager that does not listen or how to make a bad person change to a good person.. are some of the very common search questions for this topic now too.. the critical word being change.. you can set clear boundaries, detachments, and  give wise verbal instruction to a wise person, or some kind of a reward incentive, but still he may or may not next listen to it and follow it.. a foolish person  certainly will not listen to good advice for a start, may need to hopefully learn the hard way with a rod of life’s correction LIKE THE PRODIGAL SON NEXT DID .. for  you cannot hope to change anyone still by yourself without God’s help, input in reality.

The fastest way for anyone to change is by prayers, them also praying, even by the prayers of others, reading the Bible as well.. valid support groups also still can either be pretentious, fake, wolves in sheep clothing,   or helpful?  Beware always of men and women, bullies, tormentors, control freaks,  persons, civil and public servants,  politicians, pastors, leaders, elders, who falsely do, will try to enslave you, oppress you, exploit you even while they claim they are proclaiming the truth, democracy, trying to help you, etc.,    Is 51:23 ..your tormentors {and} oppressors, those who said to you, Bow down, that we may ride {or} tread over you; and you have made your back like the ground and like the street for them to pass over.  

Humble Prayer is the starting method in getting God’s help.
 
(Jer 14:7 KJV)  O LORD, though our iniquities testify against us, do thou it for thy name’s sake: for our backslidings are many; we have sinned against thee.
 
(Jer 2:19 KJV)  Thine own wickedness shall correct thee, and thy backslidings shall reprove thee: know therefore and see that it is an evil thing and bitter, that thou hast forsaken the LORD thy God, and that my fear is not in thee, saith the Lord GOD of hosts.
 
(Jer 3:22 KJV)  Return, ye backsliding children, and I will heal your backslidings. Behold, we come unto thee; for thou art the LORD our God.
 
(Jer 5:6 KJV)  Wherefore a lion out of the forest shall slay them, and a wolf of the evenings shall spoil them, a leopard shall watch over their cities: every one that goeth out thence shall be torn in pieces: because their transgressions are many, and their backslidings are increased.
 
It also now seems that unresolved problems tend to make us seek God. How to draw closer to God. You have wanted God to speak to you for a long time. You have wanted to talk to God and get answers back. This  is an opportunity for you to have a dialogue with God. God too wants to communicate with you. You might have been in church, a crusade, in your room, or outside under the stars. You felt God’s call, but you didn’t know exactly what God wanted you to do. You knew you were going to do something special, but you didn’t know what it was. Now you can also find out God’s plan for you, and others too and the literature is all free too.   It teaches you how to hear God’s voice.  God will teach you many things you need to know.  Valid spiritual tools to help you make conscious contact with God: Praise, Prayer, Humbleness, Obedience, the Bible. Get yourself ready where God speaks to you  Do see http://pbulow.tripod.com/wait.html    and http://pbulow.tripod.com/voice.html    
 

More about Control freaks- Is being a control freak an major illness too? Is there really a cure for it..

If you are a   Control freak you are not only still unrealistic, immature, immoral person  but you  may have a serious personality disorder.  Even if you work for Bell,  Sympatico or Stephen Harper, etc,
 
You are a menace, plus a real danger to yourself and to others, for you are an abuser, a human rights violator too.
   
Having clearly now an exaggerated emphasis of your own self importance, being tottally in  control is part of a cluster of behaviors that can be labeled as compulsive and generally characterized by perfectionism, orderliness, workaholic tendencies, an inability to make commitments or to trust others and a real cover-up for your fear of having your own flaws exposed. You are exposed now still too.. 
 
All  these type of Persons who  believe they can protect themselves by staying in control of every aspect of their lives, or of others, including their relationships are idiots, fools, grossly in error, in need of professional help, good pastoral counseling.
 
I rightfully  believe in the right of free speech, mine, yours, everyone else’s and not solely yours.
 
Most all of you have had to contend with control freaks and they are found everywhere, in Corporations, at  home, in churches too.. These are those people who insist on having their way in all interactions with you. They wish to set the agenda and decide what it is you will do and when you will do it. You know who they are – they have a driving need to run the show and call the shots. Lurking within the fabric of the conversation is the clear threat that if you do not accede to their needs and demands, they will be unhappy.. and they will delete your post…
 
While in reality God has made us all equal, and GAVE US ALL MOUTHS WE CAN SPEAK WITH, EARS TO LISTEN, it seems some people, in churches, on the net, elsewhere, they  still wrongfully do think they are better than others, or want to dominate others, do try to give orders to others, do try to make rules for others  that they too often themselves do not follow too, they are in fact still bullies..  and now why is that? and who do they think they are now that they are so special? Mere fools. They mostly have a hidden agenda, they are falsely seeking fame, power, control, a position of prestige, for they are immoral slave drivers trying to walk on the back of others…
   
I really do love now all my wordpress blogs for they not only do  they allow me to exercise my own right of free speech, and allow my right to be heard by others too now  
  
I have already mentioned it to you rightfully and often too  before that I often get letters from some persons telling me what I can and cannot write on their sites, rather them wanting to write all of my posts too it seems. Many disturbed persons are now disturbed by the contents of my posts, so these  ostriches try to find a false excuse not to deal with it, and try to instead falsely delete it. The control freaks  emotional stakes includes their own identity and sense of well-being. Being in control gives them the temporary illusion and sense of calmness, a false feeling of superiority. and what fools they are when in reality they are so far from it now too.   
     
Control freaks or Bullies, abusers, wrongfully do cause  others stress so they can maintain a false sense of order. These people themselves firstly are are still riddled mostly with anxiety, fear, insecurity, and anger. They’re very critical of themselves their lover and their friends, but underneath all that still too that supposedly perfect outfit and great body is a mountain of real unhappiness, unresolved guilt, disturbed person.
 
Certainly, it’s natural to want to be in control of your life. But when you have to be in control of the people around you as well, well you have gone crazy, become a fool, a demonic controlled person who can’t rest until you get your way and you are headed down a very bumpy ride, it is easier to try to control yourself, and impossible to control all the others.  
 
(1 Cor 9:27 KJV)  But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway. 
 
Beware always of men and women, bullies, tormentors, control freaks,  persons, civil and public servants,  politicians, pastors, leaders, elders, who falsely do, will try to enslave you, oppress you, exploit you even while they claim they are proclaiming the truth, democracy, trying to help you, etc.,
 
Is 51:23 ..your tormentors {and} oppressors, those who said to you, Bow down, that we may ride {or} tread over you; and you have made your back like the ground and like the street for them to pass over
 
Is 55:7 Let the wicked forsake his way and the unrighteous man his thoughts; and let him return to the Lord, and He will have love, pity, {and} mercy for him, and to our God, for He will multiply to him His abundant pardon. 8 For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, says the Lord. 9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.
Is 56:10 watchmen are blind, they are all without knowledge; they are all dumb dogs, they cannot bark; dreaming, lying down, they love to slumber.
 
The need to control is almost always fueled by anxiety – though control freaks seldom recognize their fears. At work, they may worry about failure. In relationships, they may worry about not having their needs met. To keep this anxiety from overwhelming them, they try to control the people or things around them. They have a hard time with negotiation and compromise and they can’t stand imperfection. Needless to say, they are difficult to live with, work with and/or socialize with.  
 
Is 57:4 Against whom do you make sport {and} take your delight? Against whom do you open wide your mouth and put out your tongue? Are you not yourselves the children of transgression, the offspring of deceit–
 
   “Those who demand the most often give the least.”  Ask them to send you something or do something for you. By asking something of them, you will be indicating that you are not intimidated or diminished by their behavior patterns. In order to not feel degraded, humiliated and have your sense of self and self worth assaulted, you need to avoid being bulldozed by a controlling lover, boss or friend. When you are caught up in a truly destructive/controlling attachment, the best response may still also still be to expose them. call the police and walk out.

 IT IS NOW MORE  RARE BUT I DO ALSO NOW STILL GET BULLIED BY RELIGIOUS BULLIES, ABUSERS TOO..  not just by the past bad cops
 
The WRONGFULLY STILL Unrepentant  bully’s problem is that he or she is one of those bad persons  who only feels truly alive when voicing hostility and contempt for his “enemies.” Without that, he or she starts gasping for air. It’s his nature.. self-destructive” ..  clearly these immoral  Bully, Basher of others, Abusers of others has a disappointed, deflated ego, negative self worth,  most likely related to past unresolved guilt, as a result  of  that   the bully, he or she, tries falsely to   build  their ego up by bashing, hating others, by being an antagonists against  his proclaimed enemies, which too often also  is most people , for  he or she no longer trust anyone, and Abusers this is a common very typical approach, fact in the character build up of Bullies, Bashers, but their approach is futile, the subsequent feeling of self worth dissipates too quickly, are actually replaced by guilt,  and his ego, self worth likely needs to be recharged with new hate.. and is replaced with more and larger hatred of the others.  I have seen this type of wrong behavior not just in bad managers, bad politicians, bad persons, but  in alcoholics, and most often in Albertan rednecks ,but also  in religious   fundamentals evangelicals who promote hated towards Pentecostal Christians as well, and  now as well as the crooked pastor wrongfully  fighting for control over others. Public exposure and prosecution of these bad persons here too services everyone’s best interest.
 
Now we all seem to meet all type  of persons in real life, the control freaks, verbal and human right abusers, Bullies, enslavers, liars, cheaters, imposters, pretenders, con artists too.  And we often simply do wonder why they do not change..
 
Here also is what I know for sure, the older the person is the more extreme, more severe, the more difficult the punishment has  to be on them to cause them to personally to change in their own  negative ways, for they are too set in them now too.  
  
Beware though — still today most bad persons resist changing, and do  employ false denial techniques of their wrongs, deny wrongfully their own need to change and next even build even more walls between them and others. You can see this bad approach used by  alcoholics now as well most of the time..
 
Being nice. kind, friendly  to a really bad person  is still also a complete waste of time, for they will not change their negative behaviors on their own, they see   no reasons to do so now still too. Sad but true. We cannot never control a bad person, a drug addict or an alcoholic, but we can learn all about it and learn firstly to control our own behavior, appropriate responses –including how we should behave in the relationship with the  sick and suffering and /or possibly manipulative addict or alcoholic, abuser..
 
In fact it is next impossible for anyone to try to to change others. I have seen many marriage fail cause the wife was naïve to believe she could change her husband instead of accepting him for who, what he was at the time of marriage. After all it is easier to change oneself than others too but wrongfully most people try to change others and not themselves. If it was supposedly easy to change anyone then we would not need prisons for the too often now habitually criminals in reality.
 
In reality also now whether you are talking now about a parent, a relative,  a spouse, criminals, alcoholics, drug addicts to what ever no one basically can be helped firstly who refused to admit they need help, and next also refuses thus next any help to change now as well.
 
And in truth the only people I have ever seen who manifested any  lasting, real changes were these people changed by God, who had next became born again, and to be fully truthful here too next half of them even got worse again next, a dog who returned to their vomit, they denied next the DENIED THE SAME FAITH THEY BELIEVED IN TOO.
 
The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous rightfully says that only God can next heal, relieve the sin, the illness of addiction. It requires the addictive person to first confess they have sinned and next ask for God’s forgiveness, help.
 
Too many a persons also do falsely deny who they really are, hiding behind prestigious or pretentious facade that they are unknown, cannot be discerned, read, known cause they are too complex.. you can fool some of the people some of the time, most of the people most of the time but not all of the people all of the time..
 
Jesus himself said a person can be known simply by what they do. good people do good things.. and bad people tend to do bad things.
 
(Mat 7:18 KJV)  A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
 
(Mat 7:19 KJV)  Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.
 
(Mat 7:20 KJV)  Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.
 
(Mat 7:21 KJV)  Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.
 
(Mat 7:22 KJV)  Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
 
(Mat 7:23 KJV)  And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
 
(Mat 7:24 KJV)  Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:
 
(Mat 7:25 KJV)  And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.
 
(Mat 7:26 KJV)  And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand:
 
(Mat 7:27 KJV)  And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.  
 
Helping others to change for the good is even more difficult today as well             
 
Reality- Today many Children are also being falsely led to  believe that Gambling, Alcohol and Bad drug use is generally  safe. The average 18 year old has seen 100,000 television commercials encouraging him or her to drink. That’s why 80% of high school seniors have tried alcohol, 32% have gotten drunk in the last thirty days, 43% smoke marijuana, and about one third are smoking cigarettes. Most addicts die of their addiction and they take their family members down with them. The first step in any help program recovery is to get honest with yourself. Get honest even as to what the other person is really like.. Do not let them take you down the drain with them next too.. Control what you watch, read, hear and what your children watch, put the computer also in the family room where you can supervise it, see what they are doing with it.

We all also must take any personal addiction seriously especially amongst teens, and the adults now too,  because 25% of North Americans die as a result of substance abuse. The average alcoholic dies twenty-six years earlier than he or she would otherwise.

 
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